Today at work I met my new co-worker. He is the only other male in my workplace.
Before he came to work, I had listened to music on the communal CD player. Once he showed up, I turned off the music and left it off for the rest of the morning. For some reason, I never do this when I work with women. (If they complain, then I turn it off and let them pick the music--but I almost always pick first.)
Why?
A strange attitude
Moderator:Metacrock
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KR Wordgazer
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- Joined:Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:07 pm
Re: A strange attitude
The way I see it--
It's a deeply rooted societal attitude, Gwarlroge. As a man, you have been raised to believe that it is your right to take the initiative-- unless there is a higher-ranking man present. If the new guy is older than you or more experienced than you in any way, you will see him as outranking you, and so will defer to him. But you are pre-programmed by these deep societal attitudes, to not see the women around you as having the potential to outrank you. So when you are the only male, you outrank everyone else and get to make choices like what music to play.
Women, on the other hand, are not raised to think in terms of rank, but in terms of cooperation. A woman walking into a room where there is a communal radio that is turned off, will ask every other person in the room whether they'd like music and what kind of music they'd like to listen to. She will take her own preferences into consideration only after considering everyone else's. A man, on the other hand, will take a woman's preferences into consideration only if she volunteers them-- if she doesn't, he won't ask.
It's a deeply rooted societal attitude, Gwarlroge. As a man, you have been raised to believe that it is your right to take the initiative-- unless there is a higher-ranking man present. If the new guy is older than you or more experienced than you in any way, you will see him as outranking you, and so will defer to him. But you are pre-programmed by these deep societal attitudes, to not see the women around you as having the potential to outrank you. So when you are the only male, you outrank everyone else and get to make choices like what music to play.
Women, on the other hand, are not raised to think in terms of rank, but in terms of cooperation. A woman walking into a room where there is a communal radio that is turned off, will ask every other person in the room whether they'd like music and what kind of music they'd like to listen to. She will take her own preferences into consideration only after considering everyone else's. A man, on the other hand, will take a woman's preferences into consideration only if she volunteers them-- if she doesn't, he won't ask.
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KR Wordgazer
- Posts:1410
- Joined:Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:07 pm
Re: A strange attitude
Gwarlroge hasn't come back. I hope I didn't offend him. 
If so, I apologize.
If so, I apologize.Wag more.
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Re: A strange attitude
No no no! No way. I just thought I should take a break from this. I suspect that I have some issues with arrogance and uncharitableness, and nitpick-arguing about stuff I haven't researched is one of the big temptations to those.KR Wordgazer wrote:Gwarlroge hasn't come back. I hope I didn't offend him.
Re: A strange attitude
Your idea is basically right, but I have noticed some differences since the OP.
(1) My new male coworker is older and much shorter than I am. Like Sgt Tomas, he is a married Muslim. For some reason, I regard him as an equal. I asked his permission to listen to music on Day 2.
(2) The same thing happened with my first college roommate (who was male, btw
).
(3) If a female coworker puts on music, I usually "roll with it" unless I dislike it and she notices. Oftentimes women like better music than I do, so this is OK.
(4) The only female coworker who made darn sure I was okay with her radio station was the talkative Catholic who might have a crush on me.
(1) My new male coworker is older and much shorter than I am. Like Sgt Tomas, he is a married Muslim. For some reason, I regard him as an equal. I asked his permission to listen to music on Day 2.
(2) The same thing happened with my first college roommate (who was male, btw
).(3) If a female coworker puts on music, I usually "roll with it" unless I dislike it and she notices. Oftentimes women like better music than I do, so this is OK.
(4) The only female coworker who made darn sure I was okay with her radio station was the talkative Catholic who might have a crush on me.
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KR Wordgazer
- Posts:1410
- Joined:Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:07 pm
Re: A strange attitude
Ah. Well, I was speaking in generalities, really. Are your female co-workers also about your age?
If so, I'm glad to hear that younger women are getting more assertive in things like this-- though I personally would not turn on a station unless I had asked everyone in the room if they minded, first. But that's partly because I know the other woman my age, in my office, probably wouldn't tell me if she minded-- so I'd better ask.
If so, I'm glad to hear that younger women are getting more assertive in things like this-- though I personally would not turn on a station unless I had asked everyone in the room if they minded, first. But that's partly because I know the other woman my age, in my office, probably wouldn't tell me if she minded-- so I'd better ask.
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Re: A strange attitude
Two of them are. Two of them are middle-aged, and one is 30ish.KR Wordgazer wrote:Ah. Well, I was speaking in generalities, really. Are your female co-workers also about your age?
Haha. Very true, and I'm guessing that's why people ask me--I usually don't complain unless the music gets unbearable.If so, I'm glad to hear that younger women are getting more assertive in things like this-- though I personally would not turn on a station unless I had asked everyone in the room if they minded, first. But that's partly because I know the other woman my age, in my office, probably wouldn't tell me if she minded-- so I'd better ask.
Re: A strange attitude
I should say more stuff:
(1) I usually work with the 30ish coworker.
(2) When I work with the middle-aged ones--i.e. my supervisors--one of them always has NPR or an iPod of '80s stuff going. Both of which I like.
(3) The work environment is really relaxed and chatty, so people can say when they'd rather hear an oldies station.
(1) I usually work with the 30ish coworker.
(2) When I work with the middle-aged ones--i.e. my supervisors--one of them always has NPR or an iPod of '80s stuff going. Both of which I like.
(3) The work environment is really relaxed and chatty, so people can say when they'd rather hear an oldies station.
Re: A strange attitude
I wonder how my attitude is thus explained. I would have just continued to listen to it. Or shut it off as a matter of course if anyone entered. Depending on whatever my habit is.
I don’t tend to change routines for newcomers of either sex.
I don’t tend to change routines for newcomers of either sex.